Mr. Joyce Takes on the World

Fairness Sometimes I'm not fair. For as selfless and giving as I am, I can also be selfish at times. For example, I know a young woman that I care for deeply. She's currently in a phase in her life where demands on her time are many, and free time is scarce. So scarce in fact, that she's living a semi-cloistered life as she takes up her studies. At first, I felt snubbed. I thought, “What's taking her so long? Why doesn't she have five minutes to write to me? Did I do something wrong? Is it me?” I then realized that I wasn't being fair. I wasn't being sensitive to her needs, or her time frame. I also wasn't being fair to her struggles. Where she is now, I once was. Sometimes, I'm still there. Sometimes I forget what hurdles I've had to overcome just to function in daily life. Maybe that's a defense mechanism. If so, it's one that can distorted reality. I need to replace it with a mechanism of compassion, in...

Just say "Yes."  I'm reminded of something my uncle Tom told me after his brother died. It was the winter of 2002, and on Christmas Eve, he shared with the family the last conversation he had with his brother, James. He said, “As Jim was dying, we started talking about regrets. He told me that the one big regret he had was not marrying this girl he dated back in the 60's. He wanted to marry her, but we were Protestant, and she was Catholic. Our parents wouldn't have stood for that.” He fell silent after that, and didn't say more. I could see by the look on his face that he was disappointed for his brother, but not at him. James died without ever marrying, or having children. He lived alone, and worked as a environmental scientist. He once wrote a scholarly work on the history and uses of the soybean. For vegetarians that might be considered pornography. For the rest of us it's far from Fifty Shades of Tofu. James was...