Papercuts and Sugar Highs
Papercuts and Sugar Highs I was single this Valentine’s Day, just like every Valentine’s Day. This used to really bother me, until recent years. It was about two years ago that I realized, “Holidays like this exist as a part of a conspiracy to sell greeting cards and candy.” That either means one of two things: One that the greeting card and confectionary industries are in cahoots. Two, that the pharmaceutical industries are in cahoots with said candy and greeting card manufacturers. They’re trying to sell us bandages from the paper cuts we get from Valentines. And they want us on insulin from the sugar shock acquired from chocolate heart boxes. I don’t think this latter theory holds water, not even a Dixie cup full. But if it makes you feel any better, then be my guest. Just don’t blame me if you build a bunker in your backyard, and the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre doesn’t come again. There is a conspiracy, most assuredly. But this conspiracy is not one perpetrated by...